So You Think You Can Rate a TV Show? Brought to you by the Parents Television Council WARNING: Graphic Content!!! Do NOT push play if you don't want to see the explicit video!!!

Don't have active x controls? Download the clip (right click and choose "save target as"

Dirty Sexy Money on ABC

Rating: TV-PG DS

Should adulterous oral sex with a transsexual be rated PG?

ABC thinks so.

The Disney-owned network, which has gone out of its way this fall television season to promote extreme and unusual sexual content in its programming, rated the October 31st episode of its new program Dirty Sexy Money -- which contained precisely that scenario, along with other implied sex – PG, with the “D” and “S” descriptors thrown in as useless addenda.

In the course of this episode, Patrick – an aspiring senator, who is also married with two children – sits in a car, with his transsexual lover Carmelita bending over his crotch. She brings her head up from his waist, having presumably just given him oral sex. Patrick roars “Yowwwwzah!” while rolling his eyes and chortling in delight, as the following dialogue ensues:

Patrick: "That was a gold medal performance!…What's the matter, baby?"

Carmelita: "Sometimes, it's just kind of depressing. The only thing intimate that ever takes place between us happens in hotel rooms and limousines. Never in public."

Patrick: "Doing what we just did in public is illegal in most states."

Later, further underlining the tawdry nature of their adulterous affair, Carmelita tells Patrick’s limousine driver, "Tell Patrick the drive-thru window is closed."

But the program’s licentious nature is not limited to transsexual affairs. When Karen goes to her husband Sebastian to ask him to sign their divorce papers, he answers the door wearing only a towel. As the camera pans slowly down his body, Karen gazes at his crotch and stutters:

Karen: "Can you sign these please? They put these sweet little stickies on here so you know where to put your John Han..HanCOCK!"

Sebastian invites Karen into the house. As he turns the towel slips off, revealing his naked rear to Karen. After a commercial, Karen and Sebastian are shown necking post-coitally on his floor, covered in a sheet. Still later, Karen’s mother Letitia berates Karen for her behavior – and Karen reminds Letitia of her own adulterous past:

Karen: "He wasn't going to sign otherwise. I had to."

Letitia: "How do you expect to make a fresh start with Freddy if you are

                 still sleeping with your ex-husband?"

Karen: "He wasn't my ex-husband at the actual time of the coupling. We

                 were technically still married."

Letitia: "Karen, your behavior -- "

Karen: "Is what it is. Fine. I wouldn't have to go over there and behave

                 at all if it wasn't for you."

Letitia: "And what does that mean?"

Karen: "Dutch never filed the papers."

Letitia: "And how is that my fault?"

Karen: "Well I'm sure when he was supposed to be filing them, he was in

                 some hotel doing to you what Sebastian just did to me!"

Does ABC-Disney really think that this kind of programming is acceptable – even desirable – for children under 14? Does the House of Mouse-owned network truly believe that the same age group which has made High School Musical a runaway hit is eager for such material?

By choosing to misrate its shows, ABC-Disney is ensuring that the V-Chip will be unable to block it. By arbitrarily and nonsensically underrating their programming, ABC and the other networks make certain that parents – even those who have locked out all programming rated for ages 14 and over – are unable to keep their children from seeing such content. The V-Chip cannot block offensive programs, because the networks cannot be relied upon to rate their own programs accurately – as ABC has proven with this episode. As a result, the V-Chip, and the TV ratings system as a whole, is worthless when it comes to protecting children from harmful TV content.

If you agree that this program was inadequately rated, please write to the TV ratings advisory board at tvomb@usa.net and let them know that the TV ratings once again failed to adequately warn parents about inappropriate content.    

For more information about the TV ratings, please visit http://www.tvguidelines.org/contact.asp.